Devil`s lines

Foto trip

2007-07-10T04:25:00.000-08:00

vara la mare. cei mai mari fani shaorma

a fost odata un rasarit

urmarirea rasaritului pierdut. fetele vesele

mai departe sau un pas inainte

2007-06-22T05:02:00.000-08:00

prinsa intre doua usi, stau si ma uit pe gaura cheii pt a incerca sa descopar care este urmatorul pas pe care il fac. Stau inghesuita si ma uit din stanga in dreapta chiar daca in jurul meu nu e nimic altceva decat intunric. ma uit atent, poate poate o lumina imi va calauzi sufletul. Mi-e frica de mine, mi-e frica sa nu deschid alta usa si sa ratez copacul fructifer. Mi-e teama de tine ca ma impingi si pare asa de bine dar totul e prea derizoriu ca sa pot visa. stau si ma uit pe gaura cheii ca sa prind curaj, sa cred in mine. in tine nu cred. nu am crezut niciodata. mereu m-am ridicat si am mers mai departe. poate ca orbetele sau poate cu buna stiinta. acum mi-au amortit picioarele si am stat destul chircita.

Vreau sa am loc, asa ca o sa deschid una din usi, sa intre lumina, sa intre aerul sa pot respira in voie. Nu mai vreau intuneric, nu mai vreau sa imi fie teama. Are cine sa ma apere. O sa merg chiar si la mare dupa ce scap. Ba choiar si la munte. Si o sa ma plimb mult! Trebuie...An tan te....care usa? o deschid pe asta ca pare mai mica...

one good reason...

2007-06-18T13:40:00.000-08:00

nu....

Ce intelegi dintr-un "nu"? prea putin ..Sau poate nu vrei sa vezi ce e sub ochii tai... Lumea e nebuna, femeile sint nebune, eu cu precadere sint nebuna. Tot ce spun se bazeaza pe argmente. Am intotdeauna cel putin un motiv. Zic nu rareori.

NU. Motive exista. trebuie doar sa stii sa le gasesti...sau mai cu seama sa te intereseze sa le intelegi...atat. Uneori o dorinta nu e de ajuns. Se intampla sa fie nevoie de mai mult. De cele mai multe ori nu ma multumesc cu putin. Si nu fac nimic care sa imi faca mie rau. Si nu imi place sa dau fara sa primesc. Astazi este una din zilele in care vreau totul iar tu ai mult prea putin....

Schimbarea la fatza...

2007-06-12T03:38:00.000-08:00

Uite ca am schimbat lookul blogului. Am aprins un bec. In viata mea se intampla diverse. Am fost la mare si m-am ars, arat ca un rac, am renuntat la locul de munca...Totul se schimba si din pacate uneori schimbarea nu tine doar de noi... Nu este suficient sa vrem ca sa se intample. Eu am facut ce a tinut de mine. Am schimbat lookul blogului...sa para un pic mai optimist ca sa nu mai zica nimeni nimic. Sa para un pic mai optimist ca sa incerc sa par si eu la fel. Nu imi plac schimbarile. Nu cele pe care nu mi le doresc. Acum imi dau seama ca imi e putin teama de nou si mi-e frica de necunoscut. Imi place sa am fiecare pas calculat si din cand in cand sa mai am parte de cate o surpriza. Nu foarte des. Acum totul e un vartej in care nu stiu cand am intrat si nici nu stiu cum o sa ies. Nu stiu daca vreau sa ies. Cred ca asta e ideea principala... nu stiu ce vreau. Ha! Tocmai eu nu stiu ce vreau. Nu mi s-a mai intamplat de mult. In perioada asta am auzit tot soiul de in curajari de genul..."esti cea mai buna", "o sa vezi ca o sa fie si mai bine" si tot felul de chestii de gen. Dar eu nu stiu chestiile astea. Nu le stiu, nu le cred.
Ce am acum? Un blog gri, piele arsa si... atat... Suna promitator nu?

singing...

2007-05-31T05:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clearAnd I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer. It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal. But lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel. Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there...(incubus: drive)
This is my life Its not what it was before All these feelings I’ve shared And these are my dreams That I’d never lived before Somebody shake me Cause I, I must be sleeping (stained far away)
I've been sittin' here trying to find myself i get behind myself i need to rewind myself looking for the payback listen for the playback they say that every man bleeds just like me and i feel like number one but yet i'm last in line i watch my younger son and it helps to pass the time i take to many pills it helps to ease the pain i made a couple dollar bills but still i feel the same everybody knows my name they say it way out loud a lot of folks fuck with me it's hard to hang out in crowds i guess that's the price you pay to be some big shot like i am out skirt stands and one night stands still i can't find love And when your walls come tumbling down I will always be around People don't know about the things i say and do they don't understand about the shit that i've been through, it's been so long since i've been home i've been gone, i've been gone for way too long maybe i forgot all the things I miss Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this, I said it too many times and i still stand firm you get what you put in and people get what they deserve, still i ain't seen mine No I ain't seen mine I've been giving just ain't been gettin' I've been walking down that line So I think I'll keep walking with my head held high i'll keep moving on (kid rock- only God knows why )
i hang my head and I advertise A soul for sale or rent I have no heart, I'm cold inside I have no real intent Save me Save me... Save me (queen: save me)

Pro sau contra?

2007-05-28T04:45:00.000-08:00

Cannabis (also known as marijuana[1] or ganja[2] in its herbal form and hashish in its resinous form[3]) is a psychoactive product of the plant Cannabis sativa L. subsp. indica (= C. indica Lam.). The herbal form of the drug consists of dried mature inflorescences and subtending leaves of pistillate ("female") plants. The resinous form consists primarily of glandular trichomes collected from the same plant material.
The major biologically active chemical compound in cannabis is Δ9-tetrahydrocannabinol, commonly referred to as THC. It has psychoactive and physiological effects when consumed, usually by smoking or ingestion. The minimum amount of THC required to have a perceptible psychoactive effect is about 5 mg. A related compound, Δ9-tetrahydrocannabidivarin, also known as THCV, is produced in appreciable amounts by certain drug strains.

Istoria din ROMANIA :)
Botanists have determined that Cannabis is native to central Asia, possibly extending southward into the Himalayas.[7] Evidence of the inhalation of cannabis smoke can be found as far back as the Neolithic age, as indicated by charred Cannabis seeds found in a ritual brazier at an ancient burial site in present day Romania.[8] The most famous users of cannabis were the ancient Hindus of India and Nepal, and the Hashshashins (hashish eaters) of present day Syria. The herb was called ganjika in Sanskrit (ganja in modern Indian and Nepali languages).[9][10] The ancient drug soma, mentioned in the Vedas as a sacred intoxicating hallucinogen, was sometimes associated with cannabis.[11]
Cannabis was also known to the Assyrians, who discovered its psychoactive properties through the Aryans. Using it in some religious ceremonies, they called it qunubu or the drug for sadness. Cannabis was also introduced by the Aryans to the Scythians and Thracians/Dacians, whose shamans (the kapnobatai - "those who walk on smoke/clouds") burned cannabis flowers to induce a state of trance. Members of the cult of Dionysus, believed to have originated in Thrace, are also thought to have inhaled cannabis smoke. In 2003, a leather basket filled with Cannabis leaf fragments and seeds was found next to a 2,500 to 2,800 year old mummified shaman in the northwestern Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region of China.[12][13]
Cannabis has an ancient history of ritual use and is found in pharmacological cults around the world. Hemp seeds discovered by archaeologists at Pazyryk suggest early ceremonial practices by the Scythians occurred during the 5th to 2nd century BCE, confirming previous historical reports by Herodotus. Some historians and etymologists have claimed that cannabis was used as a religious sacrament by ancient Jews, early Christians and Muslims of the Sufi order. In India and Nepal, it has been used by some of the wandering spiritual sadhus for centuries, and in modern times the Rastafari movement has embraced it as a sacrament.[14] Elders of the modern religious movement known as the Ethiopian Zion Coptic Church consider cannabis to be the Eucharist, claiming it as an oral tradition from Ethiopia dating back to the time of Christ.[15] Like the Rastafari, some modern Gnostic Christian sects have asserted that cannabis is the Tree of Life. Other organized religions founded in the past century that treat cannabis as a sacrament are the THC Ministry,[16] the Way of Infinite Harmony, Cantheism,[17] the Cannabis Assembly [18] and the Church of cognizance. Many individuals also consider their use of cannabis to be spiritual regardless of organized religion. When the ancient Hindus or Vedic "Dharmas" used this drug they would often pray for increased wisdom.

In medicamente
Medical marijuana is a growing treatment for medical use. The American Marijuana Policy Project states that cannabis is an ideal therapeutic drug for cancer and AIDS patients, who often suffer from clinical depression, and from nausea and resulting weight loss due to chemotherapy and other aggressive treatments. [8] It is claimed that cannabis makes these other treatments more tolerable. The nausea suppression and mild analgesic effects of cannabis also provide a degree of relief for persons suffering from motion sickness, and it can also be used by hyperhidrosis sufferers for temporary relief of excessive sweating. A recent study by scientists in Italy has also shown that cannabidiol (CBD), a chemical found in marijuana, seriously inhibits the growth of cancer cells (including breast cancer) in animals. [9]. Both scientists and doctors agree that controlled doses of marijuana can help with Chemotherapy and Nausea Treatment, Appetite Stimulation, Glaucoma, Analgesia, and Movement Disorders.
Medical Uses
Chemotherapy and nausea have other treatments that utilize THC, the main chemical in marijuana, such as oral TITIC. The drug "[has] been effective in treating nausea associated with cancer chemotherapy if patients are pretreated and doses are repeated every 3 to 6 hours for approximately 24 hours." [19]
Cannabis has also been proven to treat anorexia according to a report published by the BBC in 2003. [20]. Medical marijuana will help with the lack of appetite due to AIDS or acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (the failure of the immune system to protect the body adequately from infection, due to the absence or insufficiency of some component process or substance.). Those with severe cancer related anorexia would benefit from using controlled doses of THC [21] Medical Use of Marijuana: Policy and Regulatory Issues.
Glaucoma, a condition of increased pressure within the eyeball causing gradual loss of sight, can be treated with medical marijuana to decrease this intraocular pressure. “All sources agreed that cannabinoids [could] lower the intraocular pressure (lOP) associated with glaucoma in humans. Taylor also acknowledged that marijuana has therapeutic potential, but emphasized that… THC cannot penetrate into the coruea[22] Medical Use of Marijuana: Policy and Regulatory Issues. This just says that there needs to be more studies to find a way to have the THC penetrate the coruea. Because it does have a strong out look for the future.
Medical marijuana is used for analgesia, or pain relief. “Marijuana is used for analgesia only in the context of a handful of illnesses [e.g., headache, dysentery, menstrual cramps, and depression] that are often cited by marijuana advocates as medical reasons to justify the drug being available as a prescription medication[23] Medical Use of Marijuana: Policy and Regulatory Issues. It is also reported to be beneficial for treating certain neurological illnesses such as epilepsy, and bipolar disorder. Studies have found that cannabis can relieve tics in patients suffering from OCD and/or Tourette syndrome. Patients treated with marijuana reported a significant decrease in both motor and vocal tics, some of 50% or more. [24][25][26] Some decrease in obsessive-compulsive behavior was also found. [24] A recent study has also concluded that cannabinoids found in cannabis might have the ability to prevent Alzheimer's disease. [27] THC has been shown to reduce arterial blockages. [28] Marijuana has been used for centuries to relieve pain, but scientifically controlled studies confirming this use is almost nonexistent.
A recent epidemiological study funded by the National Institute of Health (NIH) concluded that, "the association of these [lung and upper aerodigestive tract] cancers with marijuana, even long-term or heavy use, is not strong and may be below practically detectable limits." [29][30]
Another use for medical marijuana is movement disorders, although shown to work, does not have enough clinical support to regularly use for this purpose. “In the case of multiple sclerosis, IOM acknowledged that marijuana is frequently reported to reduce the muscle spasticity associated with the disease, but then it noted that these abundant anecdotal reports are not well-supported by clinical data. Evidence from animal studies [suggests that there is] a possible role for cannabinoids in the treatment of certain types of epileptic seizures” [31] Medical Use of Marijuana: Policy and Regulatory Issues. The marijuana will numb the nervous system slightly so the body won’t go in to shock. A synthetic version of the major active compound in cannabis, THC, is available in capsule form as the prescription drug dronabinol (Marinol) in many countries. The prescription drug Sativex, an extract of cannabis administered as a sublingual spray has been approved in Canada for the treatment of multiple sclerosis. [32] Dr. William Notcutt states that the use of MS as the disease to study "had everything to do with politics." [33]

Risc 0
A study published in The Lancet 24 March 2007[41] finds that cannabis is both less harmful and less addictive than either alcohol or tobacco. Twenty drugs were assigned a risk from 0 to 3. Cannabis was ranked 17th out of 20 for harmfulness, while alcohol and tobacco were ranked 11th and 14th respectively. Cannabis was ranked 11th for dependence while alcohol was 6th and tobacco 3rd, behind heroin and cocaine.

EFECTE
The nature and intensity of the immediate (as opposed to long-term) effects of cannabis consumption vary depending on such factors as dose, potency, cannabinoid (and possibly terpenoid) composition, method of consumption, length of time since last usage, the user's mental and physical state, and their surroundings. These last two factors are sometimes referred to as set and setting. Smoking the same cannabis material in different frames of mind (set) or in different locations (setting) can alter the effects of the drug, or one's perception of the effects. What the user does while under the influence of cannabis can also alter the effects. If the user is inactive they may feel relaxed and sleepy, whereas if the user engages in physical or mental activity they may feel energized. The effects of cannabis consumption may be loosely classified as cognitive and physical. Anecdotal evidence suggests that sativa drug varieties tend to produce greater cognitive or perceptual effects than indica varieties, which tend to produce more physical effects.

The high
Cannabis intoxication is the state of being intoxicated to a degree that mental and physical facilities are noticeably altered due to the consumption of cannabis. Each user experiences a different high, and the nature of it may vary upon factors such as potency, dose, chemical composition, method of consumption and set and setting.
Highs vary from
A feeling of euphoria
Intense relaxation
Most experience pleasure, but one out of five users experience a great deal of anxiety.[52]
Decrease in nausea (used medicinally for this)
Laughter, giggle fits
Sensory enhancement (colours, taste, sensation)
Increased appreciation of music
Other common short-term effects include
Forgetfulness
Laziness
Distorted perception
Trouble with concentration
Paranoia
Increased heart rate
Dry mouth and throat[53]
Increased appetite[52]

"Munchies"
The "Munchies" is a term that is often used to describe the increased appetite that comes from using Cannabis. Research performed by the National Institutes of Health claimed that marijuana increases food enjoyment and the number of times a person eats each day. Recently, scientists have claimed to be able to explain what causes the increase in appetite, concluding that "endocannabinoids in the hypothalamus activate cannabinoid receptors that are responsible for maintaining food intake."[54]. Additionally, studies have suggested that consumption of chocolate results in a dopamine-serotonin release in the brain that is magnified greatly during the high.[citation needed]

Toxicity
According to the Merck Index,[55] the LD50 (dosage lethal to 50% of rats tested) of Δ9-THC by inhalation is 42 mg/kg of body weight. That is the equivalent of a 165 lb (75 kg) man inhaling the THC found in 21 one-gram cigarettes of extremely high-potency (15% THC) marijuana all in one sitting, assuming no THC is lost through smoke loss or absorption by the lungs. For oral consumption, the LD50 for male rats is 1270 mg/kg, and 730 mg/kg for females—equivalent to the THC in about a pound of 15% THC marijuana.[56] The ratio of cannabis material required to saturate cannabinoid receptors to the amount required for a fatal overdose is 1:40,000.[57] There have been no reported deaths or permanent injuries sustained as a result of a marijuana overdose. It is practically impossible to overdose on marijuana, as the user would certainly either fall asleep or otherwise become incapacitated from the effects of the drug before being able to consume enough THC to be mortally toxic. While it has never been reported, it is theoretically feasible for concentrated THC (hash or oil) to cause an overdose. We also learn by comparing LD50s that the toxicity of the cannabis is significantly lower than that of the alcohol or other frequently consumed products.

Adulterated Cannabis
Contaminants are rife in street cannabis; low-quality hashish such as soap bar has a reputation for being full of contaminants (some psychoactive, some not) which serve to increase the bulk of the street product[citation needed]. Recently, there have been reports of herbal cannabis being adulterated with minute silica crystals in the UK and Ireland. These crystals resemble THC in appearance, yet are much heavier, and so serve again to increase the weight, and hence value, of the cannabis on the street.[citation needed]

Health issues and the effects of cannabis
Main article: Health issues and the effects of cannabis
Although there are many conflicting studies involving health issues and the effects of cannabis, certain physical and mental health effects conclusions have been reached. Today, there is still a substantial amount of propaganda and misinformation from both cannabis advocates and opponents due to the legal issues of cannabis, including legal and political constraints on cannabis research.
Cannabis is currently recognized as a psychologically addictive drug. There is no cannabis withdrawal disorder in the DSM-IV, but studies have demonstrated that cannabis use can induce withdrawal symptoms similar to other drugs with recognized physical dependence. Cannabis withdrawal symptoms are similar in magnitude and time-course to the well-established tobacco withdrawal syndrome.[58]
The most obvious confounding factor in cannabis research is the prevalent usage of other recreational drugs, including alcohol and tobacco.[59] Such complications demonstrate the need for studies on cannabis that have stronger controls, and investigations into the symptoms of cannabis use that may also be caused by tobacco. Most cannabis research within the USA is funded by government agencies who in turn publish position papers citing research studies that spotlight the negative consequences of cannabis use.[60][61] In light of this, some people question whether these agencies make an honest effort to present an accurate, unbiased summary of the evidence, or whether they "cherry-pick" their data, and others caution that the raw data, and not the final conclusions, are what should be examined.[62]
Some studies have purported that cannabis has not been shown to cause emphysema, lung cancer, or chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.[63][64][65] However, contrasting studies have linked the smoking of cannabis to lung cancer and the growth of cancerous tumors.[66][67][68][69] Other studies have suggested that cannabis use by expectant mothers does not appear to cause birth defects or developmental delays in their newborn children.[70][71] According to a United Kingdom government report, using cannabis is less dangerous than tobacco, prescription drugs, and alcohol in social harms, physical harm and addiction.[72]
Cannabis is known to act on the hippocampus (an area of the brain associated with memory and learning), and impair short term memory and attention for the duration of its effects and in some cases for the next day. In the long term, some studies point to enhancement of particular types of memory.[73] Cannabis was found to be neuroprotective against excitotoxicity and is therefore beneficial for the prevention of progressive degenerative diseases like Alzheimer's disease.[74] A 1998 report commissioned in France by Health Secretary of State Bernard Kouchner and directed by Dr. Pierre-Bernard Roques determined that, "former results suggesting anatomic changes in the brain of chronic cannabis users, measured by tomography, were not confirmed by the accurate modern neuro-imaging techniques," (like MRI). "Moreover, morphological impairment of the hippocampus [which plays a part in memory and navigation] of rat after administration of very high doses of THC (Langfield et al., 1988) was not shown (Slikker et al., 1992)" (translated). He concluded that cannabis does not have any neurotoxicity as defined in the report, unlike alcohol and cocaine.[75][76][77]
Research between the use of cannabis and mental illness has also brought significant results. Cannabis use is generally higher among sufferers of schizophrenia, but the causality between the two has not been established.[78][79] Another study concluded that sustained early-adolescent cannabis use among genetically predisposed individuals has been associated with a variety of mental illness outcomes, ranging from psychotic episodes to clinical schizophrenia.[80][81]

SO, WHAT DO U THINK?

blogul meu e urat

2007-05-18T04:15:00.001-08:00

un prieten tocami mi-a spus ca blogul meu este urat si frustrat. ca numai unor copilitze de 17 ani le place bacovia. frustrata e posibil sa fiu, posibil sa fie inca varsta frustarilor. nu pot sa imi dau prea mult cu parerea. Totusi nu ma consider o frustrata... stiu sa ma bucur de ce e in jurul meu stiu sa apreciez ,nu ma stapaneste nimeni, chiar nu am motive sa fiu asa... Daca blogul meu este urat, nu am ce sa-i fac. e negru pentru ca imi place negrul, pentru ca e una dintre putinele culori care inspira ceva. De obicei negrul inspira doliu si frustrare...hummm... Dar daca imi place nu inseamna ca sint asa nu? Hum... uite poate o sa ii schimb look-ul, sa vedem poate mai castig simpatizanti. Blogul meu se cheama devil`s lines...De aici ar trebui sa se inteleaga ca nu scriu tocmai de bine... ar trebui sa se inteleaga din descrierea care se afla imediat sub titlu ca este vorba de sentimente. sentimentele nu sint intotdeauna pozitive, ca asa e omul nu ai ce sa faci, nu te poti opune. Recunosc ca scriu atunci cand sufar. de aici si notele negative. cu toate astea sint un om normal care stie sa zambeasca. Blogul asta reflecta o parte intunecata a mea, pe care nu toata lumea o stie. Sint simbolizate niste slabiciuni despre care nu vorbesc. Blogul meu e urat. Ba nu e, pentru ca asta ar insemna ca interiorul meu sa fie urat. Blogul meu e negru. e negru ca asa vreau eu... Dar o sa ii schimb intr-o zi culoarea sa vedem daca capata alt sens, sa vedem...
Bacovia mi-a placut de cand ma stiu, de cand am reusit sa citesc, de cand am fost destul de inalta incat sa ajung pe raftul acela, la care mama spunea ca o sa am acces cand o sa fiu mai mare, cand o sa pot sa inteleg. Nu stiu cati ani aveam. Nici nu conteaza. stiu doar ca arta uaratuli m-a fascinat, pentru simplu fapt ca cineva putea sa faca din urat... arta. Bacovia si Arghezi sint preferatii meil. Ce sa fac.. poate ca nu am avut destul cap cat sa ii iubesc pe eminsecu sau pe blaga, sau mai stiu eu pe cine vrei tu. Nu stiu daca bacovia e la moda nu stiu daca a fost vreodata si la dracu, chiar nu ma intereseaza. Conteaza doar ca estetica uratului m-a fascinat. Faptul ca spui mucegai si de aici se nasc zeci de simboluri mi se pare incredibil. Asta sint eu. imi plac tragediile, imi place sa ma uit la filme psihologice, imi place sa ma uit la documentare despre criminali...si clar vroiam sa ma fac psiholog. Cand unii vroiau sa se faca pompieri si altii ingineri eu vroiam sa fiu psiholog. Nu am mai dat la facultatea de psihologie pentru ca am refuzat sa invat pe de rost un manual. Am refuzat sa dau un examen bazat doar pe toceala. Si asa am ajuns sa devin jurnalist:)

Am dat cateva explicatii ca sa stii si tu de ce blogul meu e urat, de ce blogul meu e negru, de ce imi place bacovia...

cliseu admis de lege

2007-05-17T08:55:00.000-08:00

chestia asta cu iubirea a devenit absolut clisheica. Pe cuvantul meu. ma uit pe strada si vad perechi, care mai de care mai hidoase sau mai frumoase. Ma uit in jurul meu sivad lacrimi pentru iubire...lacrimi de fericire, extaz, tristete sau pierdere. Ma uit in mine si vad... Alo! aprindeti lumina! da... vad tot. si ce daca vad eu tot ca el nu vede, asteapta si el lumina. Ideea nu e asta. E f tare iubirea asta. face ce vrea din tine. stoarce toate sentimentele de care e capabil un om. Fara ea esti pierdut. Am fost pierduta si eu...posibil sa fiu din nou, cine stie. Iubirea asta e prea puternica si prea imprevizibila. La ce avem nevoie de ea? Eu am nevoie de ea, desi multa vreme nu am crezut in ea. Poate ca nu cred prea mult nici acum dar imi doresc sa cred. De ce? pentru suferinta sau pentru extaz? pentru amandoua as spune. Pentru o clipa de suferinta si o clipa de extaz...asta parca era dintr-o melodie.. .Iubirea asta e parshiva dar toata lumea o vrea. Cine nu o vrea acum, ajunge sa o simta si sa devina dependent. Da, chetia asta da dependenta. Hm... cate chestii negative... Si deci marihuana de ce e interzisa??????

Nu imi place ce sint

2007-05-17T08:36:00.000-08:00

imi place sa ma uit la ploaie. imi place sa vd cum pictauri de apa formate in car se lovesc cu putere de geam, iar poi neputincioase se preling spre nefiintza. imi place sa le urmaresc traiectoria sa vad care moare prima. imi place sa vad cum se aduna mai multe intr-un isngur strop in speranta ca mai multe capete vor aduce pana la urma scaparea. vine soarele si usuca apa. nu-si mai aminteste nimeni de acea furtuna grozava de acum cateva ore. maine ploua iar

Imi place sa ma uit la frunzele copacilor aflate in bataie vantului. se misca in toate directiile fara sa se rupa. o rafala mai puternica si toata statornicia lor s-a dus insa pe apa sambetei. astept rafala ca sa surprind momentul in care si frunza la care ma uit in fiecare zi ajunge pe pamant. Astept sa o iau in mana si sa o intreb cum e acolo sus, cum a rezistat atata timp si de ce a hotarat sa renunte la lupta. vine insa toamna si ma acopar de frunze. le calc in picioare. toate au renuntat la lupta pentru ceva ce este mai presus de ele. destinul lor este sa moara. nu isi mai aduce nimeni aminte ele. si eu am uitat de frunza mea, care intr-o vara a preferat sa cada. Apoi vine primavara si alte frunze se nasc sub pecetea pierzaniei.

imi place sa ma uit la valuri. imi place sa privesc cum se rostogolesc pana la picioarele mele iar apoi fug in abis. incearca sa ajunga din ce in ce mai departe. sint in apa pana la glezne. m-a lovit o scoica, sau poate era doar o pietrica. mi-am scos piciorul din apa sa vad daca e sange. l-am pus la loc dar era uscat. nici urma de valul buclucash. alt val. nu m-a atins. poate urmatorul. prea multe valuri. care era valul meu?

imi place sa stau pe canapea. Imi place sa stau pe canapea si sa ma uit la televizor, sa citesc o carte sau sa vorbesc la telefon. Canapeaua asta e de cand ma stiu. Aici ma vizita medicul pediatru cand eram bolnava. Aici imi citea bunicu povesti. Aici am citit prima mea carte. Canapeaua mea s-a rupt. acum am o alta canapea, mai mare si mai frumoasa. canapeaua cu povesti a disparut. Iti mai amintesti de ea?

eu sint om. dar as fi putut sa fiu picur de ploaie, frunza sau val. M-am nascut acum aproape 22 de clipe. fericirea sta intr-o secunda. Reusita sta intr-o secunda. Iubirea sta intr-o secunda. declinul sta intr-o secunda. Al naibii, timp, cu mecanismul lui cu tot! mai vreau o secunda de iubire.. inca o seunda de fericire si pot sa imi urmez destinul pe panta descendenta. Sau as vrea sa nu fiu om, sa fiu o frunza care nu iubeste, o canapea care nu simte, o picatura care nu vede, un val care fuge....

prietenilor mei

2007-05-17T03:15:00.000-08:00

Interviu cu Dumnezeu- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
de Octavian Paler

-Ai vrea sa-mi iei un interviu? deci…..zise Dumnezeu.
-Daca ai timp.… am raspuns eu.

Dumnezeu a zâmbit, spunând:
-Timpul meu este eternitatea. Ce intrebari ai vrea sa-mi pui?
-Ce te surprinde cel mai mult la oameni?
Dumnezeu a raspuns:
-Faptul ca se plictisesc de copilarie, se grabesc sa creasca, apoi iarasi tânjesc sa fie copii; că îsi pierd sanatatea ca sa faca bani si apoi îsi cheltuiesc banii ca sa-si refaca sanatatea; faptul ca se gandesc cu teama la viitor si uita prezentul iar astfel nu traiesc nici prezentul nici viitorul; ca traiesc ca si cum nu ar muri niciodata si mor ca si cum nu ar fi trait.

Dumnezeu mi-a luat mana si am stat tacuti un timp. Apoi am intrebat:
-Ca un parinte, care sunt câteva din lectiile de viata, pe care ai dori sa le învete copiii Tai?
-Sa invete ca dureaza doar cateva secunde sa deschida rani profunde in inima celor pe care ii iubesc si ca dureaza mai multi ani ca acestea sa se vindece; sa invete ca un om bogat nu este acela care are cel mai mult ci acela care are nevoie de cel mai putin; sa invete ca exista oameni care ii iubesc dar pur si simplu nu stiu sa-si exprime sentimentele; sa invete ca doi oamnei se pot uita la acelasi lucru si ca pot sa-l vada in mod diferit;sa invete ca nu este suficient sa-i ierte pe ceilalti si ca de asemenea trebuie sa se ierte pe ei insisi.
s
-Multumesc pentru timpul acordat..am zis umil. Ar mai fi ceva : ce ai dori ca oamenii sa stie ?Dumnezeu m-a privit zâmbind şi a zis:
-Doar faptul ca sunt aici, intotdeuna…

2007-05-14T01:44:00.000-08:00

Mamaia vs Eterna Vama Veche
1 Mai la mare. Un weekend superb care m-a adus in sfarsit aproape de mare. Am stat in Constanta, m-am distrat in Vama. Nu inteleg de ce unii vor in Mamaia. Nu inteleg de ce optezi pentru fitze in locul libertatii. E prea mult spus libertate. Poate ca e doar o iluzie, dar important este ca e. Acolo in vama ai voie. Nu te judeca nimeni. Poti sa stai si in cap. Poti sa iti pierzi total controlul. Pur si simplu poti. Fara sa iti arunce nimeni priviri, fara sa susoteasca nimeni. Nu stiu cum era acum 20 de ani de vama. regret insa ca nu m-am nascut mai devreme ca sa aflu. Mai stiu si ca de la an la an vama se indeprtaeaza si se lasa cotropita de toti tzaranii. Stufful s-a pierdut in multzimea necunoscatorilor. Cu toate astea inca ma simt legata de acel loc, de acea barca, de acel moment. Acum nu am mai fost in stuff, am trcut doar pe acolo ca sa revad locul meu cu amintiri. Nu mi-a placut ce am vazut si am aterizat in acelasi loc in care am zacut cu placere toata vara trecuta: Expirat. Acolo am dansat am baut o votka proasta si m-am simtit bine. Si am asteptat rasaritul. Nu in cort ca era al naibii de frig. In masina, cu altii. In ciuda efortului meu de a ramane treaza, soarale se juca. A aparut deodata, brusc, dupa ce plaja se inundase de lumina. Primul rasarit care nu mi-a placut. Apoi am adormit. M-am trezit in Constanta, cu un dor nebun de vama. Doar acolo soarele ma poate dezamagi si doar acolo pot sa ma bucur de luna. doar acolo pot sa simt muzica si sa aud valurile. Mi-e rau dor de mare….

2006-09-11T07:47:00.000-08:00

Shoimii patiei

Nu stiu ce luptam cu atat invershunare impotriva inselaciunii, cand toti "luptatorii Luminii" partciipa la frauda. Vrem corectitudine. Fratilor, cine nu a dat shpaga la medic, cine nu a indesat in buzunarul politzaiului cateva sute de mii de lei ca sa nu ii ridice carnetul ( nu ca ar fi asta sg motiv), cine nu a copiat la examene ( ca si asta e inshelaciune nu?), cine spune cu mana pe inima ca nu o sa primeasca niciodata in dar bani ( si chiar crede asta), atunci ala pentru mine este un erou. trebuie sa il cunosc. El este fie cel mai sarac om de pe pamant, fie cel mai prost. Pentru ca sincer, e ca si cum omul ala ar sta la o coada vesnica, in care toata lumea i-o ia inainte. Eu nu cred ca exista omul asta. Daca ar exista ar fi orb si surd...si prost...si singur...fara teve sau radio.
Nu inteleg de ce luptam impotriva coruptiei cand cu totii participam la sporirea numarului coruptilor din notre chere patrie.

2006-09-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

OMul meu de incredere

dezamagita de unii sau de altii, incepusem al un mom dat sa cred ca nu exista oameni de incredere. M-am inselat. Omul de incredere exista, chiar daca gresheste, sau a greshit. si merita aproape intotdeauna o sansa.
exista un om in care am crezut... care m-a dezamagit si care continua sa ma dezamageasca . Eu, posesiva din fire ( ca doar tre sa arat ca sint femeie) , l-am tras de maneca, l-am implorat...sa revina, sa redevina omul meu de incredere. Pt ca ma cunostea, omul de incredere spunea da, si atunci cand il credeam transforma toata afirmatia intr-o negatie dureroasa. la un moment dat, dupa prea multe aruncari ale colacului de salvare, l-am lasat pe omul meu de incredere in deriva. Eu stateam pe mal, si ma uitam la el, cum plutea in bataia brizei. Nu stiu cand m-am intors cu spatele. auzeam undeva departe valurile care se risipesc la atingerea firelor de nisip. Din cand in cand mai intorceam capul. Il vedeam. Era bine. El nu ma vedea. Dar era bine. Obisnuia sa imi spuna ca sint cea mai imp, desigur spunea asta ca sa hraneasca posesivitatea demonica ce ma cuprinde(a) uneori (sau poate tot timpul si de fapt rareori sint lucida). Atunci il credeam. Acum imi amintesc si zambesc. Adevarul este acum altfel. Alte personaje. Imi place prezentul al dracului de mult. Nu regret nici o clipa trecutul. As vrea sa imi schimb viitorul.
Stateam si ma uitam pe furish la omul meu de incredere. El nu vedea nu auzea. Racneam. Degeaba. Cu toate astea, existau momente in care arunca o ancora si il vedeam cum se zbate. Atunci ii auzeam inima si il credeam. Nici nu aveam alta varianta. Cine poate sa accepte ca omul de incredere s-a tranformat intr-un necunoscut? cine?...
Eu am un om de incredere. El este pe mare. Cauta fericirea..nu, nu ar fi de ajuns... cauta senzatii si dorinte.
Nu stiu ce mai insemn eu pentru omul meu de incredere. Nu vreau sa ma gandesc pt ca e posibil sa doara. Dar nici nu conteaza. Eu o sa ii mai cord 3000 de shanse pentruca el a fost dintotdeauna omul meu de incredere. cand valurile osa il ascunda, cand vantu o sa ii acopere vocea, atunci el nu o sa mai fie decat un necunoscut. Acum insa, stiu ca inca mai poate fi langa mine. Eu cred in omul meu de incredere. Pacat ca nu l-ati cunoscut cand i-am intalnit eu privirea. Cand se va intoarce pe uscat sa vi-l prezint!

2006-08-28T04:55:00.000-08:00

Supradoza de vise. Subconstinetul creeaza vise, frica creeaza vise, plictiseala creeaza vise, dorinta creeaza vise, esecul creeaza vise. Muritorul din secolul 21 traieste sub amprenta unui viciu devenit cliseu: visul. Suporadoza de vise. Manifestari: Valurile marii nu te uda, vantul nu iti face piele de gaina,dar nici nu te racoreste, soarele nu te arde, dar nici nu te incalzeste iar noaptea este singurul moment in care dependentul se simte in largul lui. De la tigari cik mori. De la cafea cik mori. La naiba, pana si de la margarina mori. Uite ca de la vise nu mori. Ajuns in supradoza insa, dispari. Deci nu mori...dispari! PUF..and u`re gone!... Pai cum dracu s anu dispari cand realiatatea ta este facuta dintr-un norishor din ala roz care probabil ca te-a marcat atunci cand erai copil intr-un desen animat. E genul ala de norishor pufos, al dracului de roz, care te imbie la somn, speranta si incredere. So cute, but so wrong! Fratilor! traim in Romania. Un mediu deloc propice pentru un norishor mai roz decat chilotzeii mei de la botez. Nu aveti decat sa visati cand dormiti. Ziua traiti! Un dependent de vise este melancolic, este dramatic, este o victima. Adica un lash. Been there done that, pe vremea unor depresii mai mult sau mai putin serioase. Hai s ane plangem de mila si sa fugim in The Pink Shit.

Eu uite ce am invatat, singura: Aici, in wc-ul asta de realitate poti gasi o perie pentru spalat wc-uri. E chiar langa tine. Sunt fraieri ca mine care insa ba o vad da nu o folosesc, ba alearga in jurul ei fara sa se uite la ea, ba..in fine sunt mai multe variante. Concret: unul din corespondentii visului in realitate ar fi sa zicem asa in termeni generali: fericirea. Chiar daca in niste conceptii general valabile, "fericirea-i un lucru marunt, un pitic ce danseaza" asta nu inseamna catre sa fii pe the pink shit ca sa o gasesti. Pticul asta il gasesti langa tine mereu. Deschide ochii. razi. suna-ti prietenii. simte. crede. atinge. iubeste. plangi. urla. in toate astea gasesti fericirea.

2006-05-29T03:07:00.000-08:00

JUST DO IT!

2006-05-29T03:06:00.000-08:00

NO COMMENT

2006-05-29T01:50:00.000-08:00

THE SOUL...

FLYING LESSONS

2006-05-14T07:53:00.000-08:00

remember remember....

i remember remember....

but you?
....

2006-05-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

so what?

ecoul va exsita mereu....nu trebuie sa zic eu, asa cum inima va pulsa mereu idei si stari care poarta o amprenta clara...

ok....
c`est la vie...

ok...

2006-05-09T03:21:00.000-08:00

enuntarea adevarului poate fi cu usurintza impidicata de ratiunea cea de toate zilele, de care ar trebui sa fim mandri dar pe care eu de ceva vreme o urasc. Ea conteaza mai mult ca inima, mai mult ca orice. sau poate ca doar pentru unii...si nu spuneti ca nu este asa pt ca...atunci...multe povesti devin minciuni...Sau pur si simplu poate ca povestile nu s-au intamplat niciodata si totul a fost o iluzie..dar stai...don`t ever fucking question that...atunci....
Intelegi? da...dar
Accepti?...nu am alta varianta
..
Si acum?
cioburi rasfirate impung fiecare particica de piele. Dupa fapta si rasplata. E mai simplu...mai banal, asa ca sangele curge shiroaie. pana cand? Pana gasesc un faras, o matura sau bandaje...dar.......Eu simt. Tu simti. miroase a sange.

2006-05-02T11:56:00.000-08:00

mi-e dor de tine, de soarele ce nu mai vine...
mi-e dor de mine, de luna ce se incapatzaneaza sa fuga
mi-e dor de mangaierile ce poate ca le-am visat, de aripile ce le-am simtit
mi-e dor de mare, de nisipul ars de soare
mi-e dor de zambetul desenat pe o scoik
mi-e dor de absolut, de extazul fericirii
mi-e dor de...tot ceea ce vreau sa am...de tot ceea ce am avut..de tot ceea ce n-o sa am vreodata..de tot ceea ce simt dar nu pot demonstra, de shansele care nu exista .... de tot ...

dar...

Imi ramane incapatzanarea....sentimentul ca am inima si...dezamagirea....

deci...

de ce nu?

Sunt chiar aici....

2006-04-28T12:45:00.000-08:00

Zi de zi esti la fel. Monoton. Daca azi surpinzi, maine nu o mai faci pt ca devii previzibil. asa se intampla ca atunci cand vrei sa dovedesti ca poti fii alfel, ca doresti , ca visezi, ca poti sa crezi..nimeni..absolut NIMENI nu te mai crede. Vorbele tale ajung sa fie amagiri de tipul Fata Morgana creionata pe dune de nisip duse de vant. Ideea este ca ajungi la un mom dat sa te intrebi cine are dreptate tu sau "ei"? din pacate, sau din fericire, dracu mai stie, ma cunsoc prea bine. Da, din pacate.... Am ajuns la concluzia ca nu e bine sa stii ce vrei, eu care mereu imi doream sa stiu ce vreau, pentru ca de felul meu sunt "furtuna sau..ploaie calda de vara". Acum ca stiu ce vreau ...nu ma ajuta la nimic. Pe bune ca mai bine traiesti haotic. Pe bune ca mai bine mergi ca orbetele pana dai de un paravan, sau cine stie, chiar de lumina..aici tine de norocul fiecaruia... Important este sa stii sa iti acorzi sanse, sa stii sa risti...pe principiul daca nu acum atunci cand...Daca nu...nu stiu....
Am in mine tone de regrete care urla, amestecate fiind cu milioane de sentimente care stau acolo inghesuite...Si ce daca? si ce daca stiu ce vreau daca din obsesie eu vreau absolutul si absolutul nu se gaseste cand simt eu, pentru ca este ocupat si ii este mult mai bine asa ocupat. Sau e prea multa incapatanare la mijloc..sau e prea multa frica..sau cate un pic din toate. Culmea, totul se intampla din vina mea, pentru ca la un mom dat am fost un orbete...

2006-04-26T14:16:00.000-08:00

fiecare zi este la fel... nu se intampla nimic sepctaculos. totul si toti trec pe langa tine. daca esti indispus asa vei ramne. de tine depinde ca ziua ce incepe cu rasaritul mamaligii sa fie fabuloasa. daca i chef, o sa ai tot timpul daca nu, it`s a fucked up day. daca de mine depinde atunci vreau sa am zile nebune...din pacate insa nebuna sunt eu nu si zilele mele...derpt urmare de cine depine ziua de azi? sa vb depsre destin? neah..cliseu!... o fi sau nu o fi cine drcau mai stie azi, cand daca iti merge prost dai vina pe Dumnezeu, cand iti merghe bine tu esti direct vbinovat ca ai muncit...Daca e de bine e datorita tie, daca e de rau e destinul, pwe princiiul ce ti-e scris ti-e pus in frunte. nici nu stiu de ce scriu. de fapt stiu. nu am nici un motiv. vroiam doar sa umplu niste randuri, sa vad cat de usor pot abera despre ceva atat de fascinant cum este "nimic".

2006-04-24T04:31:00.000-08:00

a venit caldura si inca rau de tot.
nu imi place cadlura. se topeste tot in jur. mintea si sentimentele o iau razna, incep sa fiarba.realizezi prea tarziu ce simti. nu poti sa dai timpul inapoi. iarna e altfel.totul parca sta...parca ai mai mult timp sa gandesti la rece.
de fapt toate astea nu sunt decat niste scuze. mereu cand faci ceva gresit cauti scuze si vinovati. eu sunt mereu vinovata. prea multa analiza strik, impulsivitatea strica, iar toate duc la ac rezultat.regretele nu folosesc la nimic. nu poti da timpul inapoi, nu poti schimba nimic. atunci de ce sa te mai chinui? pe principiul ce-o fi o fi, faci ce te taie capul. apoi afli ca ranesti lumea. cum o dai tit nu-i bine. m-am plictisit de complicatii.m-am plictisit de mine. ...si peste toate, a mai venit si caldura...